If you read this website at all, and I imagine you do because you are reading it now, maybe you read a couple days ago when our new BFF BugEyes over at TheMenInBlackSuitsAreReal.com found some crazy technology that does not belong in the 1930s, which is weird because that’s apparently where it came from. He was also on the trail of Clive’s Tattoo Parlor, and an ice cream cake with an unknown ingredient that you get to eat for free and all you have to do is get a tattoo. (Honestly, maybe this indicates that I have a problem, but that might work on me.) Something weird was clearly going on with this place and its affinity for Pink Surprise Cake, but what is the surprise in the cake, and why does Clive’s Tattoo Parlor have 29312938985 of them?

Well, judging by this video, the surprise ingredient is dumpster. I’m putting it out there. BugEyes, do not eat cake that you find in the trash. Cake that a crazed supervillain sent you, yes. Cake from a serial killer, yes. BUT DO NOT EAT CAKE FROM THE TRASH. GOD. 14-year-old boys can be so gross. I once paid a boy a dollar in high school not to drink the half-finished bottle of Coke he found sitting in the middle of the parking lot in front of me.

Anyway, in addition to finding Clive’s Tattoo Parlor he has also found a contraption that seems to extract the core from the cake, which is RIDICULOUS because THE FROSTING IS THE BEST PART. But what could be in the core?

If you have any tips for BugEyes, you can drop him a line at 1 (888) 202-9797. I have a tip for BugEyes: DON’T EAT DUMPSTER CAKE.