Ask the Nerds: How Can I Let A Guy Know I’m Interested
Welcome to the first post in a new series of nerdy of advice columns. If you have a burning question please
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I’m a pretty take-charge kind of nerd, and even though I love to lead, it would be nice to be pursued once in a while. How can I let a guy know I’m interested without being the actual asker-on-dater?
As a fellow take-charge sort of nerd, I feel your pain. It seems that a lot of times when you’re a take-charge kind of person, people tend to make the incorrect assumption that you want control over everything and/or will blatantly go for everything you want because you’re driven. This can wreak total havoc when you want a guy to pursue you, and might or might not make you want to bludgeon said guy over the head with something and drag him back to your cave because, seriously, how dense can he be?
I’m sure a magazine would tell you to cool down your take-charge mentality and play coy or something, but I think that what you really need to do is ensure that you stay true to yourself, but still manage to be approachable. Men are like delicate little kittens when faced with a strong, take-the-lead girl, and should be approached as such (make no sudden movements, use gentle tones, and possibly utilize a laser light to draw them to you).
No one wants to pursue someone and be rejected. Rejection sucks. Consequently, people like to know that there is a possibility that the person that they are pursuing likes them back. It’s important to show this fellow on some level that you’re not entirely opposed to being something more than friends. I would say that flirting is huge (granted, my form of flirting involves death threats and a lot of glaring, but I digress). Flirting is a language all its own and can be used to successfully show this guy that you’re interested in him in a more-than-friend way.
Make fun of him, joke with him, beat him at video games. You don’t need to pull a Black Widow to show a man that you’re interested in him. Just show him that his presence in your life isn’t entirely an inconvenience, and make him feel special. Take an interest in what he does. Smile at him. These are all little things that show that, if nothing else, you’re considering him and he can approach you. I would also suggest touching (no not that kind). Unnecessary touching is a pretty strong indicator of interest in another person. It doesn’t have to be anything intense. Touch his arm, jokingly push him, sit close to him. These kinds of things will make you more approachable, and assuming his brain hasn’t been turned to mush by some sort of alien parasite, he should take the hint and make the jump.
If this doesn’t work, I suggest using subliminal messaging techniques while he sleeps.
Best of luck. 🙂 – Daliya Risik
In my experience, if you’re into a guy, and most especially a nice guy, they’re usually waaaay too nice and shy about asking someone out. Particularly nowadays, when they’re scared of coming off as pushy jerks. Or if you can come off as intimidating.
I would never tell you to not be your awesome, confident self, of course, because I would never ever ever suggest to change so a dude likes you. But if you really like him and want him to ask you out, you are definitely gonna have to let him know that you’re interested. You don’t need to go all creepy and stalk him. You can just be your charming self and flirt. A lot. People can’t read minds, and they usually have way too much other stuff to think about to guess that you might like them just a little bit.
Plus, flirting is the most fun! It’s the best way to let a guy know that you’re interested, and if he’s not thinking of you in a romantic way, it’s certainly the only way for a guy to see you in a way he hasn’t before. Be clever by giving him crap in a playful way, but also be sweet and make sure to let him know you think he’s cool and a stand up guy. And it’s totally fine to flat out tell him you’re into him and he should ask you out. The worst that can happen is he’s already dating someone else, or he’s crazy and just not interested. Then you can stop wasting your time and move on to the next one.
And don’t stress too much about it. If you keep things fun and don’t focus too much on it having to be just one particular person, you’ll eventually meet that awesome, nerdy, confident guy who deserves your wonderful self.
And remember, as the wise Jenny Slate once said, who can never be sure?
Hugs and tacos,